So, it turns out this list sort of struck a chord with folks on Sunday. Probably because of how impressive I came off in Jaron's descriptions! In case you missed it, here is our list of ways that we try to convince ourselves that it's OK to talk bad about other people.
10. Blame Someone Else. “I can’t believe this is true, but Mark Allender told me that Scott left his zipper open this morning.”
9. Blame Everyone Else. “I’m not saying I agree, but I’ve had like a whole bunch of people tell me that Scott is lactose intolerant.”
8. Self Deprecation: “Maybe it’s just me, I mean maybe I’m crazy, but have you noticed how much Scott talks about people outside the church? I’m pretty sure he wants to close the church completely.”
7. Righteous Indignation: “Somebody ought to do something. I mean, seriously, somebody really needs to say something to him about the way he whoops when he walks up on stage.”
6. The “bless his heart”: “ Bless his heart… he’s just so young he doesn’t know any better. Surely one of those older, wiser pastors can explain to him why we have to take up the offering every week.”
5. The Denial: “I don’t mean to gossip, but did you hear the rumor about Scott? They say he’s gained 15 pounds this year. Split 3 pair of pants right up the back side. Can you say Jenny Craig?”
4. Closely related to the Denial, it’s the “I’m just saying”: “I’m not judging him. I’m just saying, when you drink Chai Lattes with Caramel every day, you belt size is gonna grow faster than your age.”
3. The Confidential: “Listen, just between you and me, I think Scott has more relatives reading his blog than people in our church.”
2. The Backhand: “I guess it’s great what Scott is doing with the offering, you know, if you don’t care about having a church for our children to go to.”
1. The Prayer Request: “Friend, we really need to pray for Scott. I heard that he is addicted to Chai Lattes and he misses work just about every other week. Yeah right, Hawaii. If we don’t get as many people praying for him as possible, he might just fall off the gas wagon and become a full fledged hyper-miler.”
What other ways have you heard folks try to hide the fact that they just needed to spread a little gossip?
It's always a good idea to laugh at yourself (or believe me, others will do it for you!) Sometimes laughing at ourselves helps us to be able to deal with the ugly stuff we are laughing at. And gossip is pretty dern ugly. Negative and critical speech can be such a destructive force in churches. It is so hurtful because it is completely and utterly different from the way of Jesus. We are children of the light and we are called to walk in the light. In the light, everything is clear. There is no deceipt. There is nothing hidden. In the light we are honest and we are stripped of our masks and we are who we are. And in that light we find genuine acceptance and pure love.
Gossip is the opposite of walking in the light. Backroom complaining is the opposite of walking in the light. Slandering someone's reputation is the opposite of walking in the light. Sitting in a small group and badmouthing other people is the opposite of walking in the light. Getting together with others to complain about someone (when you haven't sat down with that someone to try to work through your differences) is the OPPOSITE of walking in the light.
I can't get over this quote from the book of James. "If anyone thinks himself to be religious, and yet does not control his tongue...this man's religion is WORTHLESS."
Good Lord, let's not prove ourselves worthless.
Wow. Those are good - um, not that I recognize myself doing any of those or anything! I like your blog, Scott - always interesting, challenging things to think about. Thanks.
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